A note: To give you a context to this story, and for any new readers out there that don’t know, my mum is a Polish immigrant who has lived in Australia for almost 30 years now. Whilst her English is pretty spot on, her accent is still quite thick.
MUM and VERONICA are in the car driving home. They talk about their day.
VERONICA: So you know how I brought in my lunch today?
MUM: Mmm hmm.
VERONICA: Well, I actually had to borrow a fork from one of the guys at work because there are never any forks in the kitchen–
MUM: You want to know something funny?
VERONICA: What?
MUM: When I first came to Australia, I couldn’t pronounce the differentiation between “forks” and “fox”, to me it sounded the same. When I would be in a restaurant and asked: ‘Can I have some fox please?’ people gave me funny looks.
VERONICA laughs.
MUM: Now I know the difference. FOOOOORKS.
VERONICA: That’s classic.
MUM: I still have trouble. I can’t pronounce differently “butter” and “batter”.
VERONICA: Well you just got to try to stress the ‘a’ sound in “batter”
MUM: BAAAATER. BAAAATER. BAA BAA (mocking a sheep) BAAAATER.
VERONICA: Hmm, well maybe that’s easier said than done. But you’ll figure it out.
MUM: I also can’t pronounce differently “sheet” and “shit”.
VERONICA bursts out laughing.
MUM: Honestly to me it sounds the same. How do I pronounce it differently?
VERONICA: Ok, when I say the word sheet, I elongate the “ee” sound slightly. ”Sheet”. Did you hear that?
MUM: Not really.
VERONICA: Well, here, when I say the word “shit”, I don’t need to elongate anything. It’s just “shit”. Short, punchy and straight to the point.
MUM: Shit. Shit. Shit.
VERONICA: There you go.
MUM: Sheet Sheet Sheet (all pronounced “shet”)
VERONICA: Hmmm.
MUM: Shit.
THE END.
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