In Japan…

MUM, MARTA and VERONICA are eating dinner at a Japanese restaurant.

MUM: Well, I thought that after my trip to Japan that I would be sick of Japanese food, but I have to say, I had a real craving for it all week.

VERONICA: I really like the Bento box here.

MARTA: Yeah, the food in this restaurant is really nice.

MUM: You don’t like the other Japanese restaurants we went to?

VERONICA: I don’t know if we’ve been to that many.

MARTA: Except for that modern Japanese restaurant.

MUM: Which modern one?

VERONICA: Oh, the one that had Greek greetings on the menu?

MARTA: Yeah.

MUM: What Greeks?

VERONICA: You know the one, it was owned by Greek people, but they made Japanese food, and their restaurant had no toilet.

MUM: Oh yes I remember that one!  You know I think it’s illegal not to have a toilet in your restaurant.

VERONICA: Is it?

MUM: I don’t know, but I think it should be if it isn’t.

The waitress comes over to the table to serve the entrée and provides the table with a dipping sauce.  MUM takes the bowl of dipping sauce, puts her fingers in it and wipes them clean.

MARTA: Er…mum, what are you doing?

MUM: It’s a finger bowl.  They have this in Japan.  You put your fingers in it to keep them clean.

VERONICA: I’m pretty sure that’s a dipping sauce mum.

MUM: (inspecting the bowl) Is it?

MARTA: Yeah.  We’re supposed to put our entrée in that.

MUM: No.  It’s a wash bowl.

VERONICA: Then why does it have spring onions in it?

MUM: (sniffing the bowl and contemplates for a moment.) No, this is a wash bowl.  I don’t know why they put spring onions in it, but this is a wash bowl.  (pause)  Or maybe it’s a sauce, I don’t know.

MARTA:  You could have thought of that before you put your hands in it.

MUM: Don’t get snappy, we don’t know what it is yet.

VERONICA: YOU don’t know what it is, I know that that’s a dipping sauce.

MUM calls over the WAITRESS.

WAITRESS: Yes.

MUM: Excuse me, may I please ask a question?

WAITRESS: Yes.

MUM: (showing the dipping sauce) Can you please tell us what this is?

WAITRESS: It’s a sauce.

MUM: Ah ha, thank you very much.

WAITRESS walks away, MARTA and VERONICA subdue their laughter.

END.

At the Good Food and Wine Show

These are little segments that we, myself and Ms. E, experienced at the Good Food and Wine show.  There was food, wine, and oh, Manu.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

AT ‘DREAM CAKES’

ME and MS. E eyes of the goods at a greek cake stall called DREAM CAKES.

ME: What are those? <pointing to a cream filled chocolate coated cake.>

SHOP ASSISTANT: Yo Yo’s.

ME: YO YO’s!  I fucking love Yo Yo’s.  I’ll take one! <to MS. E> Do you want one?

MS. E: No, I’m alright.

ME: Suit yourself.

SHOP ASSISTANT hands over the Yo Yo, and ME takes a bite.  It is indeed a Dream Cake. (Sorry, lame, I know).

MS E: Is it good?

ME: MMMmmmmm.  MmmmHmmmm MMmmm.

MS E: Let me have a bite. <takes a bite and is stunned> Holy shit.  <to SHOP ASSISTANT> I’ll take two.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

AT THE TEA STALL:

ME is trying the different teas on offer when the ASSISTANT recognises MS. E

ASSISTANT: I know you.

MS E: Yeah, we went to the same school together.

ASSISTANT: Oh my god, that’s so hilarious!  Here, take my card, we must catch up.

ME: Oh, were you two good friends in high school.

ASSISTANT: No not really.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

AT THE WINE BAR—OH, WHO AM I KIDDING, WINE BARS!

ME: May I try?

WILD OATS: Sure

ME: May I buy?

WILD OATS: Sure.

ME: May I try?

MUSCATO: Sure.

ME: May I buy?

MUSCATO: Sure.

ME: May I try?

GINGER WINE: Sure.

ME: May I try?

SANGRIA: Sure.

ME: May I– oh hang on, I’ve been here already.

WILD OATS: I have Rose for breakfast.

ME: It’s only 11am…I guess I do to!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

MANU:

To be honest, Manu was a blur.  A handsome, charming, polite, blur. But be sure to check out Kitchen Wench for a complete write-up.  She conducted the interview and, of course, recorded every little detail.  Don’t worry, if it’s not there, she’ll post it up soon.

Manu and Me. EEEEK!!!

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

AFTER THE INTERVIEW WITH MANU:

ME: <on the phone to MUM> Mum!  We just interviewed Manu!  And he kissed me on the cheek!

MUM: Who?

ME: Manu.

MUM: Oh that’s nice.  Did you buy the garlic oil?

ME: What?

MUM: Make sure you buy some garlic oil. <Hangs up>

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

AT THE CHEESE STALL:

ME: What’s this?

CHEESE MAN: Parmesan.

MS E: What’s this?

CHEESE MAN: Chorizo.

BOGAN: What’s that?

CHEESE MAN: Stilton Blue.

BOGAN: Is that Marsala?

CHEESE MAN: No its Stilton Blue.

BOGAN: Marsala?

ME: For fucks sake.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

AT THE SAUSAGE STALL (overheard).

MAN 1: Did you try the kangaroo?

MAN 2: No, I can’t eat kangaroo.

MAN 3: Isn’t that illegal?

MAN 1: No, some people are kangatarians.

MAN 2: Why?

MAN 3: Cause they’re fucking idiots.

MAN 1: No, it’s just that they’re environmentally conscious.  They won’t eat other meat but kangaroo because it’s environmentally sustainable.

MAN 2: Fucking hippies.

MAN 3: Where’ the beer?

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

AT THE MASSAGE STALL:

STALL HOLDER: 15 minute free demonstration ladies?

MS E: We’ve been on our feet all day, why not?

ME: Ok, what do you do?

STALL HOLDER: You sit in this chair and put this behind your shoulder.  Take this remote, and you can choose the speed, the direction in which the fingers move, and the vibrate option.

MS E: Oh my god this is heaven! <clicks the vibrate option.> OH MY GOD THIS IS HEAVEN!!!

ME: Oh my god this is weird.

The massage contraption slides further down ME and MS E’s backs as we giggle and groan accordingly.  After a while it is then manoeuvred down to the thigh.

MASSAGE MAN: Here, let me turn on the vibrate function.

ME: This officially got creepy.

………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….

ME and MS. E return home after a long day.  We gush over meeting Manu, and the bounty of our loot. It has been a good day at the Good Food and Wine Show, and a fantastic way to spend time with a dear friend.

THE END.