Marta’s ‘ah ha’ moment…

MARTA and VERONICA sit in the living room watching TV.  MARTA is flicking through a random gossip magazine.

She scoffs.

VERONICA: What?

MARTA: I don’t know why I read this shit anymore.  This is unbelievable.

VERONICA: Yeah, I’m quite over them myself.

MARTA: It’s fucking ridiculous.  Look at this: “5 steps to your body after baby” and they have a picture of Gisele Bundchen next to it.  Right, because that’s totally in line with their first step: “Set Realistic Goals”.  Because realistically, we can all look like Gisele Bundchen after we’ve popped one out.

VERONICA laughs.

MARTA: Oh, and then step number 2. “Exercise every day.”  That’s right, because that’s totally realistic and achievable after you’ve given birth and your caring for a newborn.  Oh wait, turn the page, what do we have here?  A recipe for strawberry and ricotta muffins with whipped cream and powdered sugar, you know, to help you with getting your body back.  Fucking ridiculous.

VERONICA: Fuck you make me laugh.

MARTA: I wish I could laugh.  You know, this is what the health industry feeds on, shit like this.  They throw these food and recipe ideas at you so you gorge, and then give you these fucking healthy body tips that come with suggestions for expensive foot wear, vitamins and work out gear so they can bleed you dry of every cent you have.  That’s how they do it, I swear.  I’m not crazy.  That’s how they make their money you know, by making sure you constantly feel crap about yourself.

VERONICA: Oh I know, I had a rant about it a while back when Jennifer Hawkins did this nude front cover to promote a positive body image.  And the thing is, these magazines only promote positive body image maybe once or twice an issue, where they decide not to airbrush, or put a curvy girl on the front, but every other issue that follows is the same skinny bitch that’s been tweaked to perfection, and the same advertising is thrown in our faces to persuade us that if we have the right treatment and cosmetics, we too may one day look like her.

MARTA: Urgh!  It’s fucking bullshit, I’m so fucking angry.  I would say that I would never buy this shit again if it wasn’t for the fucking crossword puzzles and Sudoku.

VERONICA: Try the puzzles in the newspaper.

MARTA: Nah, they’re too hard.  These ones are easy and make me feel good about myself.

VERONICA: You realise you—

MARTA: Yeah I know, shh.

THE END.

Get over it already

Following on from the statement: “You women must be pretty happy now that Julia Gillard is Prime Minister.”

CAST

VERONICA

CUSTOMER

SET in the café where VERONICA works.

(VERONICA is cleaning up the café for the close.  5 minutes before the doors are to lock, CUSTOMER enters)

CUSTOMER: What’s this what’s this?

VERONICA: Hi, how are you?

CUSTOMER: So what’s all this then, keeping the shop open later are we ladies because of our new Prime Minister?

(pause)

VERONICA: We’re about to close in 5 minutes, but what can I get for you?

(CUSTOMER requests his order and VERONICA collects it for him)

CUSTOMER: So, did you girls get a bonus?

VERONICA: I beg your pardon?

CUSTOMER: Did you get a bonus when we got the new Prime Minister?

VERONICA: Do you ask any men such questions?

(pause)

CUSTOMER: Yeah.  I ask anyone.

VERONICA: Do you need a carry bag?

CUSTOMER: No.  (pause) I ask anyone because there’s always a bonus with a new politician.

VERONICA: Females generally get cuts when it comes to pays.

THE END.