Have your cake…and please just eat it.

 

VERONICA is closing up shop with work mates R and A.

Enter CUSTOMER

CUSTOMER: How much are the lamingtons?

R: $2.60.

CUSTOMER: Can I have 6 please?

R: Sure.

As R is packing the lamingtons, customer takes a look around and spots the lamington sponge.

CUSTOMER: Oh, wait!  How much is that cake?

R: $6.85

CUSTOMER: So it would be better value for me to buy the lamington sponge?

R: Yes, I suppose it would.

(goes to pack the cake)

CUSTOMER: (to VERONICA and A) That’s a better idea.

A: Sure is.

CUSTOMER: It’s a giant lamington, but a cake!

VERONICA: Yup.  And its got cream in it to, good choice.

CUSTOMER: It’s sexy.

Silence.

VERONICA: Um…

 

THE END.

 

Next time, don’t ask…

VERONICA is adding up a CUSTOMER’s order and spots his unusual key ring.

VERONICA: (taking his money) Is that a rabbit’s tail?

CUSTOMER: (Looking at his keys) No.  It’s something else.  Have a think of what it is.

VERONICA: Um…

CUSTOMER: It comes from a kangaroo.

VERONICA: (confused) Oh my god, it’s not a kangaroo paw is it?

CUSTOMER: No, it’s not a paw.  Here, have a feel and see what they remind you of.

VERONICA: (putting a finger to it) Oh my god, it’s not–is it?

CUSTOMER chuckles as he collects his change and walks away.

BOSS: (walking past) Probably a good idea to wash your hands.

VERONICA: Who the hell thinks roo testicles are a good idea for a key ring?

THE END.

Nana said knock you out!!!

Elderly WOMAN comes into the bakery to buy some bread.  She off loads her days events to VERONICA.

WOMAN: You know what?  I just got a $60 fine from a fucking parking inspector.

VERONICA: (slightly taken aback) They really crack down on parking around here.

WOMAN: I parked in a 15 min area and didn’t realise until I walked back to my car and saw the fat bastard standing there writing the ticket.

VERONICA: (giggling) I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t laugh, but your expression is priceless.

WOMAN: Why do they even exist?  Why don’t they go and get a real job? Useless wankers.

VERONICA: Hope you didn’t tell him that.

WOMAN: No, I was very polite, and I wished him a nice day.  I just warned him not to step off the curb in front of my car as I pulled away, because there was no promise I would stop.

VERONICA: I don’t think he would have liked that.

WOMAN: I don’t give a shit.  Last week some prick hit my car at an intersection.

VERONICA: Were you ok?

WOMAN: I was a little stunned, but the guy came over to check if I was ok, and then when I went to grab the pen and paper for the insurance details, and he said there was no need and drove away.

VERONICA: I’m guessing he didn’t have insurance.

WOMAN: You guess right.  So that’s now a $550 excess I’m going to have to pay plus this $60 fine.  I can say good- bye to my next pension, that’s for sure.

VERONICA: I’m so sorry to hear that.  I hope things pick up for you.

WOMAN: Oh really, what’s the point anymore?  With the amount of dipshits that are out there, I don’t see how this week can get any better.

WOMAN leaves.

BOSS walks by.

BOSS: Next time, just don’t ask.

VERONICA: But I didn’t!  She just started talking.

BOSS: Why is it—

VERONICA: I know.  It’s always me.

THE END.

 

A to the W to the KWARD…

VERONICA is serving a CUSTOMER at the bakery.

CUSTOMER: Can I have a sausage roll with sauce and this drink?

VERONICA: Sure (adding up the order).

CUSTOMER: My boyfriend is taking me to the city.

VERONICA: Well it sure is a nice day for it.

CUSTOMER: Yeah.

VERONICA: Will you be going to see the tennis?

CUSTOMER: I don’t know.

VERONICA: Is he going to surprise you?

CUSTOMER: No, not really.  We’re just hanging out in the city.  He’s had a bit of a rough time.

VERONICA: That’s a shame.

CUSTOMER: Yeah, he just won a court case, and he’s not going to jail anymore.

VERONICA: (pause) Oh.

CUSTOMER: Yeah.  He strangled his girlfriend.

Silence.

CUSTOMER: Well, actually, he strangled his ex- girlfriend, he didn’t strangle me.  He wouldn’t do that.  Things didn’t really work out for them, but they will for us.

VERONICA: Ok, well, here’s your sausage roll.

CUSTOMER: Thanks, bye!

CUSTOMER leaves and BOSS walks by.

BOSS: (to VERONICA) Why is it always you?

 

THE END.

 

When customers fight back…

VERONICA and R are battling the lunch rush together trying to get through a rather large coffee order.

A customer walks into the shop, and ignoring the line she beings to make requests of R while she’s at the coffee machine.

CUSTOMER: What’s that behind you there?

R: (looking) They’re cake off cuts.  We sell them for $3.50 a bag.

CUSTOMER: What’s the orange one?  Can I have a look at it?

R: There are people in front of you who have been waiting, I’m serving them first and I’ll get to you later.

Whilst the CUSTOMER did in fact push in, VERONICA thought there were more polite ways to deal with the situation.

CUSTOMER: (to VERONICA) Excuse me, apparently there are people before me that need to be served.  I’ll come back at another time, would you mind putting aside the off cuts for me for when I get back?

VERONICA: Not a problem.

5 minutes later the CUSTOMER comes back.

VERONICA: Here are the off cuts, was there anything else with that?

CUSTOMER: No, not today, no.  You know, I really shouldn’t be having this, but I just can’t help myself.

VERONICA: Oh, I’m exactly the same.

CUSTOMER: But for me it’s bad, because when you get to a certain age–oh you wouldn’t know (to R) but you definitely would. When you get to a certain age, like you in your 60s, everything you eat just stays on your hips and refuses to budge.

The CUSTOMER leaves without another word, VERONICA looks over to R, who is fuming.  Let’s just say, R is not 60.

CUSTOMER – 1

R – 0

THE END.