Misheard Lyric

MUM and VERONICA are driving home from a BBQ with the car radio on.

Bruno Mars’ ‘Just the Way You Are’ comes on.

They listen quietly until the following lyric comes up.

“So don’t even bother asking
If you look okay
You know I say”

MUM: What’s the point of that?

VERONICA: What do you mean?

MUM: This song is confusing me, it doesn’t make any sense.

VERONICA: He’s just singing about how he likes his girlfriend the way she is. In that lyric, he saying don’t bother asking me if you look ok, because to me you always look amazing.

MUM: Oh! All this time I was hearing ‘don’t bother asking me if I like cocaine’!

THE END.

One of us

Melbourne, 1982

MUM, now two years living in Australia, stands in line at the Pharmacy Board to see what she needs to qualify as a pharmacist in Australia.  She has stood in line for a while, but doesn’t converse with anyone around her.  Her english is still quite limited, and she is quite withdrawn.

Finally, it is her turn, and she approaches the registry to greet  a woman with a frizzy blonde perm, green eye shadow and long hot pink nails.

WOMAN: Hi, how can I help you?

MUM: (in thick Polish accent) Hello, I was wanting to know–

WOMAN: (gasps in shock) Oh no!

MUM: (confused) What?

WOMAN: But you look like one of us!

END.