One for One?

Memory: 5 years old.

NB:  I don’t know what it was like in your primary school, but in mine, there was this little exchange which happened at lunch time called the “one for one.” Here’s a little example of how it worked:

KID 1 holding a packet of Twisties approaches KID 2, who is holding a packet of Samboy.

KID 1: One for one?

KID 2: Yeah.

KID 1 takes a chip from KID 2 and vice- versa.

Do this with enough packets and you have a chip buffet.  But that’s not the end of it.  You could do this with biscuits, drinks, even whole sandwiches, should the swap be enticing enough.

Here’s how the ‘one for one’ would go for me.

VERONICA sits with her lunch box on a bench and is approached by KID.

KID: What do you have for lunch?

VERONICA: Sandwich.

KID: Your bread’s off.

VERONICA: It’s not off, it’s rye.

KID: What?

VERONICA: Rye bread.  It’s brown bread.

KID: It looks off.

VERONICA: I like it.

KID: Why is your peanut butter pink?

VERONICA: It’s not peanut butter, it’s pâté.

KID: What the hell is that?

VERONICA: It’s meat. (pause) Do you want to try some?  I’ll trade a slice, one for one?

KID: No way.

THE END.

The School Fete

Memory: Age 7

VERONICA comes home from school.

VERONICA: Mum, we have a school fete tomorrow and we need to bring something to sell.

MUM: What for?

VERONICA: To raise money for something.

MUM: For the school?  That’s what the fees are for.

VERONICA: No, I think it’s for poor people.

MUM: Ah ha.  And what do you need to sell?

VERONICA: Cakes.  I need to bring one for tomorrow.

MUM: You want me to bake something now! (sees VERONICA’s falling face) Ok, fine, I’ll make something, but next time you need to tell me sooner.

The next day…

VERONICA: Where’s the cake?

MUM: It’s on the table.

VERONICA: But that’s a Babka.

MUM: It’s a cake isn’t it?

VERONICA: But other mothers bring cup cakes and things.

MUM: Well, I’m bringing something different.  Don’t look at me like that, a Babka is still a cake and people will eat it.  Trust me.

At the school fete…

MUM heads over to the cake table to the other mothers.

MOTHER 1: Oh well, hello there, I don’t think we’ve met.

MUM: I’m Veronica’s mother.

MOTHER 1: Oh it’s so nice of you to come down!  I see you’ve brought something.

MOTHER 1 takes the Babka and examines it.

MUM: Is something wrong?

MOTHER 1: Oh, nothing, I was just admiring it.

MUM: It’s nothing special, just a Babka.

MOTHER 1: Well, I was just wondering how we’ll sell it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the effort, but I don’t think it’s something that the people are used to seeing at the fete.  Nevertheless, we’ll give it a go.

MOTHER 1 slices the Babka and places it on the table with a ’50c a slice’ sign (bear in mind, this is the early 90s where prices at a school fete were cheap).  Children and parents approach the table and within 5 minutes, the entire Babka is sold.

MUM, smirking to herself, takes away the empty plate and bids the other mothers good-bye with a simple nod of the head.

MUM: One day I’ll give you the recipe.

THE END.