CHARACTERS:
ME: Perpetually sick
DOCTOR: Perpetually awkward
RECEPTIONIST: Always a bitch
Scene is set in a suburban Doctor’s office.
ME walks into the Doctor’s office and greets RECEPTIONIST
ME: Good Morning.
RECEPTIONIST: Yes, how can I help you.
ME: I have an appointment with the Doctor today.
RECEPTIONIST: Right, I’ll just bring up your name here…there you are. Now, you haven’t been in to see us for a while now haven’t you?
ME: No, I haven’t.
RECEPTIONIST: Right, well I’m just going to have to update the database for our records. Where were you born?
ME: Box Hill Hospital.
RECEPTIONIST: Which country?
ME: Er…Australia?
RECEPTIONIST: Are you an Australian Citizen?
ME stares blankly at her
RECEPTIONIST: Are you an Australian Citizen?
ME: I was born in Australia so I suppose I am.
RECEPTIONIST: What about your parents?
ME: I’m sorry?
RECEPTIONIST: Are your parents Australian Citizens?
ME: Why do you need to know that?
RECEPTIONIST: For our database.
ME: Yes they are Australian.
RECEPTIONIST: What is their country of origin?
ME: Well, they’re from Poland—
RECEPTIONIST: MmmmHmmm, take a seat.
DOCTOR sticks his head out of the door and calls ME, who enters his office.
DOCTOR: How you?
ME: Pardon?
DOCTOR: <clears throat> I’m sorry, how are you?
ME: Well, I’m a bit–
DOCTOR: Good to hear. So what seems to be the problem.
ME: Er…well, a month ago I became very suddenly violently ill and I’ve been suffering from colds ever since. It’s getting to a point were it’s affecting my work, and I would very much like it to stop.
DOCTOR: Right, well, lets take a look at you then.
DOCTOR gives ME a check up and gives the occasional “hmm” throughout.
DOCTOR: Have you come into contact with many people of late?
ME: Er..how do you mean?
DOCTOR: Well, are you in situations where you find yourself in contact with people?
ME: Um, well, all the time actually. I catch the train to the city almost everyday, because I go to uni there and also am doing some work for a festival, and I also work for a cafe.
DOCTOR: Ok ok ok, hang on a minute here. What festival?
ME: The Emerging Writers’ festival.
DOCTOR: Ah!
ME: What?
DOCTOR: What are you doing that for?
ME: Well, I like it, and it’s also a part of my course.
DOCTOR: What course?
ME: Arts Management.
DOCTOR: Ah! You have to be a type of person to do Arts Management.
ME: …yes…
DOCTOR: I tried my hand at it once.
ME: Really?
DOCTOR: Yeah. Lost a lot of money trying to get an English punk band to tour here in the 70s. I mean, they weren’t really punk, but they were obscure. I guess not many people had heard of them, so that was my first mistake.
ME: Right.
DOCTOR looses himself for a moment in his own nostalgic thought.
ME: Er, so is there anything that I can do to make myself better?
DOCTOR: Well, there’s nothing really you can do with a cold except to go through it.
ME: Yes but it’s been going on for a month now.
DOCTOR: Oh totally normal. Some people have colds for 7 months. Nothing that can be done except to go through it. Book in for a pap smear for your next visit. Good morning.
THE END.
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