VERONICA and MARTA enter a clothes shop for a spot of impromtu shopping.
There are two other couples in the store.
A POOR SCHMUCK and his GIRLFRIEND make up COUPLE NUMBER 1.
The GIRLFRIEND is furiously searching through the racks picking five items at a time to try on and then gain some sort of response from the POOR SCHMUCK.
The POOR SCHMUCK, having been in the store with the GIRLFRIEND for an extended period of time, has decided to sit cross legged, on the floor, in middle of store in protest of spending his Saturday afternoon in the company of his GIRLFRIEND doing a most mundane task that she could most probably have done herself.
VERONICA looks upon him with pity, but then smirks when she walks by. Pity can only go so far when the person has no one but themselves to blame.
A MOTHER and DAUGHTER make up COUPLE NUMBER 2. The DAUGHTER is there to buy something for herself with her MOTHER‘s help, however the MOTHER has hijacked the trip entirely and is now only looking at things for herself.
A striped blue and white shirt catches VERONICA‘s eye and she pulls it off the rack to inspect it.
MARTA: <eyeing it off alongside her> Oh that’s nice.
VERONICA: Yes, I think so to.
MARTA: Suits you.
VERONICA: I think so too. <checks the price tag> I’ll get it.
MARTA: Nice.
VERONICA heads to the counter and grabs two pairs of sunglasses on her way. In between her trip from clothes rack to the counter VERONICA tackles the following in her way.
DAUGHTER: <from dressing room> Mum! Oh my god, you just can’t come in here when I’m changing.
MOTHER: Well how am I going to know it’s going to look good on you when I can’t see it?
GIRLFRIEND flies out of the adjoining dressing room and marches towards POOR SCHMUCK.
GIRLFRIEND: This.
POOR SCHMUCK: Yeah?
GIRLFRIEND: Well?
POOR SCHMUCK: What?
GIRLFRIEND: What do you think?
POOR SCHMUCK: Yeah, it looks nice.
GIRLFRIEND But is it better than the first one?
POOR SCHMUCK: <pause> I don’t know, I forgot what the first one looked like.
GIRLFRIEND: I’ll go put it on again.
She runs back to the dressing room, POOR SCHMUCK continues to sit cross-legged on the floor with his head in hands.
VERONICA steps over him to stand behind the MOTHER and DAUGHTER in the line at the register.
MOTHER: Are you sure you didn’t find anything that you liked?
DAUGHTER: No Mum, there was nothing here that I liked.
MOTHER: What about this scarf?
DAUGHTER: I hate that scarf.
MOTHER: What about the jeans that I’m buying? Did you like them? Look, they come with the belt too.
DAUGHTER: No Mum, I don’t like the jeans and even if I did, I wouldn’t be caught dead wearing the same thing as you.
MOTHER: Really? That’s a shame. Some people think I’m a really cool mum.
DAUGHTER: Oh my god.
CASHIER 1: <appearing from under the counter> Hi there, how are you?
MOTHER: Fine thank-you, just these please.
CASHIER 1: No problem. I’ll just pop these through. <inspects jeans> Oh these are so cute. <to DAUGHTER> Is your mum buying these for you?
DAUGHTER: No, she’s buying them for herself.
CASHIER 1: Oh, cool mum!
MOTHER smiles to herself.
DAUGHTER: I’m waiting in the car. <storms out of the shop>
GIRLFRIEND: <marching towards POOR SCHMUCK> This is the first one.
POOR SCHMUCK: Looks great.
GIRLFRIEND: So this one’s better than the other one?
POOR SCHMUCK: I–I don’t know?
GIRLFRIEND: So which one? Or should I get both?
POOR SCHMUCK: Would you like to get both?
GIRLFRIEND: Well, I don’t know. Do you think I should?
POOR SCHMUCK: I don’t know, it’s your money.
GIRLFRIEND: <pause> I’m going to look for something else. <looks through the clothes racks>
POOR SCHMUCK stifles a sob.
CASHIER 1: So, are you a Store Club Member?
MOTHER: Oh yes! I am!
Fumbles through her purse for her card.
CASHIER 1: That’s really good, because you’re actually elligible for double points today.
MOTHER: Oh that’s exciting.
CASHIER 1: The Store Club Card is saying that you’ve got a ten-dollar voucher to spend on your next purchase. Do you want me to put these two items together in one transaction and then I can print the $10 voucher for you so you can spend it another time, or would you like me to put these as two separate transactions so that you can put your $10 onto the second transaction, saving you $10?
VERONICA: <under her breath> Fuuuuuuuu—
CASHIER 2: <from other end of the store to CASHIER 1> Are you ok out there?
CASHIER 1 nods in return.
CASHIER 2: I’m only over here if you need help.
CASHIER 1: I’m ok.
CASHIER 2: Are you sure? Are there people there?
MARTA: <to VERONICA>She can see us right?
CASHIER 2: I’ll come and help you. <marches across the store> Are there any customers here who need to buy anything?
<silence>
VERONICA: Um. I just want to buy these?
CASHIER 2: Ok, I can help you with that.
CASHIER 2 takes the shirt and sunglasses from VERONICA and proceeds to stand behind CASHIER 1, who is on the only register in the whole store.
CASHIER 1: Ok, so what I’ll do is put these as two separate transactions.
CASHIER 2, realising that the help that she’s offered is not actually very helpful, folds and unfolds the blue and white stripped shirt the entire time CASHIER 1 is at the desk.
CASHIER 1: Ok, so here’s your first purchase, and it’s given you a $10 voucher. So now we’ll put it through with the second transaction.
GIRLFRIEND: <storms out of the dressing room> Come on, we’re leaving.
POOR SCHMUCK: Seriously?
GIRLFRIEND: Yes.
POOR SCHMUCK: But you didn’t buy anything.
GIRLFRIEND: It’s too busy in here, I can’t think clearly.
COUPLE NUMBER 1 leave.
CASHIER 1: And there we go! $10 off the pants.
MOTHER: Oh I love a bargain. <leaves>
CASHIER 1 disappears under the counter and CASHIER 2 hurriedly goes through VERONICA‘s purchase.
CASHIER 2: Are you a Store Clu–
VERONICA: No.
CASHIER 2: Would you like to sign up to–
VERONICA: No.
CASHIER 2: Members get exclusive benef–
VERONICA: Sorry, still no.
CASHIER 2: Ok. Well, here’s your shirt, have a grea–
VERONICA: Thank you.
MARTA: <walking out with VERONICA> Let’s never do this again.
VERONICA: Agreed.
END

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